Our responses tell us a lot about our listening skills. Imagine you’re having coffee with a friend and your friend tells you:
“It is getting hard to keep things in balance. What I need is 30 hours in the day! I just don’t have time for work and family — there just aren’t enough hours. And the demands — they never stop. Seems like everyone wants a piece of my time.”
Here are seven typical responses that may destroy trust in the relationship.
- “You know that things will work out. Things will get better — they always do.”
- “You take on more than you should. You’re trying to do too much.”
- “You should look at the work demands, set some priorities, and commit to your family life.”
- “Have you thought about taking a time management workshop?”
- “You’re feeling guilty because you want to satisfy everybody. This is part of our desire to be liked.”
- “It’s really tough. I know how you must be feeling. I’ve felt that way myself”
- “I know what you mean. I had a situation like this about six months ago. I was overwhelmed it was terrible. Here’s what happened…”
In our desire to be helpful and want to fix things for people we often response as…
- The Expert– offering unsolicited advice, guidance, correction, or telling them what to do…
- The Cheerleader– Sympathize or minimize what happened…
- The Shrink– Judge and assign cause to someone or something…
- The Diva– talk about ourselves, tell our story, and make it about us
Listening is the key. And the skills are not hard. For example…
- Acknowledge what you heard them say.
- Ask questions for clarity.
- Use simple words and supportive tones.
- Withhold any advice for now.
Using these simple skills will change your relationships. Try it. Email me at clfields@snet.net and let me know how it went.
Charlie